it's one of those nights. another sleepless one. if there was a 'sleepless in singapore' movie, i ought to be the lead cast. not that i'm all excited about what might present tomorrow for the festive occasion, i'm just sleepless. insomniac.

i'm in a beautiful mess. the world surrounding me is beautiful, yet messy. the people surrounding me are beautiful, yet i'm messy. the feelings are beautiful, yet messy. whatever i'm typing seems beautiful, but messy because i'm not sure what i'm typing either. it's just that my brain functions my hands to type these. maybe it's because jason mraz's beautiful mess is playing directly to my ear. it's sort of a taboo song for certain reasons, but i'm just letting it play and drown into a deeper sea of sorrow. like i know how to swim in the first place.

i don't know how i'm in this position i'm in. but somehow, i'm here. nevermind the exhaustion mentally and physically, i'm thankful enough to be alive and breathing with all that i've been through. yeah the constant reminder of people are having it worse than i am. but to each his own. to each, his problems are bigger. no amount of comfort or understanding by another, is totally understood. if we could exchange shoes.

the chat with lene brings about a certain optimism to what seem to be a pessimistic night. and we both agree 'beautiful mess' is the insecure people anthem. but it's beautiful, so fucking real. oh the wait is so worth it. but the mood has a sudden twist to it due to lene's new link. if we just try try try, if we just live out lives and put our differences aside. oh that would be so beautiful to me. 11/50.