the title of the post does not literally mean i'm going off though. lol. i've been an emotional wreck, or emo they call it, for the past 1 year. in this time, there have been beautiful people surrounding me. whom i'm thankful for having by my side although i don't really show the appreciation through every pore of my skin.

i'm twenty one, but when it comes to emotional dealings, i think i'm very much immature still. i still throw the tantrums, the sarcasm, the vulgarities at the same people whom i can seek comfort in. i still need people to hear me out, accept my points, accept my views and listen to me when i'm feeling down. people whom i need to tell i'm insomniac and have plenty of unhealthy habits which they're against. it's not that these people are not willing to listen, but many go speechless and it's understandable because i leave them at such. some tried, some tired. i've been resting my comfort on others shoulders for the past 365 days. and some along the way, i've lost them too. not the relationship i used to share with. my insecurities are eating me like i'm the hari raya serving you get during a visit. these insecurities are causing me to fear that i might lose a few more people along the way; and it's not like i have that many to lose.

maybe it's time for a change. maybe it's time for building up relationships based on happiness than sympathy. this post is not meant for self-pity shit, because i hate in that indulgence. maybe it's enough of people worrying about my habits and downfall. notice i use maybe on most of the sentences in this paragraph. because i know there are some beautiful people only divine intervention can stop me from telling them about what i'm going through. but maybe it's time for a change. everyone has issues of their own lives, and it's unfair to add my woes and worries into their cheerful lives. maybe it's time to grow up. so here on, i shall talk to my heart to comfort. and when it doesn't there's cigarette. or should i put it the other way round. it's time to stop being selfish and start being selfless. in me i shall seek comfort, and hopefully in me i'll find it.

to the beautiful people, you know who you guys are. the ones i seek comfort in, the ones who know every single detail of my life, the ones whom i vent my frustration on, the ones who get the sarcasms, the ones whom get my 'F' words, the ones who constantly try to accept my views and points. i thank you from the bottom of my heart, and i'm sorry from the top of my heart (there's not a better time in seeikng forgiveness than hari raya). despite the mess i'm in, you guys make life beautiful. but i'm here for everyone of you should you need me.